Crumpets and Curd

Crumpet

A crumpet is a thick, flat, savory cake with a soft, porous texture, made from a yeast mixture cooked on a griddle and eaten toasted and buttered. Crumpets are generally circular, roughly 7 cm in diameter and roughly 2 cm thick. Their shape comes from being restrained in the pan/griddle by a shallow ring. 

Typically served with tea, a traditional crumpet is served warm with some butter or jam. The small holes found on the top of the crumpet fill up with the jam and give a little pocket of flavour.

Crumpeting
A British public school tradition generally practised by the upper classes, in which a crumpet is super-heated, covered in butter, and thrust between the buttocks of a chosen schoolboy. Often used as an initiation ritual. The crumpetee is expected to clench the hot crumpet between their buttocks as the butter runs down their backside, burning them. Should they allow the crumpet to fall, a greater punishment is often chosen. Source: Urban Dictionary

"Ah, true, true. When I was at school, education could go hang as long as a boy could hit a six, sing the school song very loud, and take a hot crumpet from behind without blubbing." Blackadder Goes Fourth, Episode One, Captain Cook

Trypophobia
Trypophobia is a fear or revulsion from clustered geometric shapes, especially small holes. 19 year old trypophobia sufferer Stefani Ingamells is scared of crumpets (and Crunchie bars).

'I've been terrified of crumpets since before I can remember. I can't even open the bread-bin even when I know they won’t be in there. And if someone is eating them I have to leave the room until I know they've gone.

For those of you who do not believe this you are not the only one. In March 2009 the powers that be at Wikipedia determined trypophobia to be a “likely hoax and borderline patent nonsense.” The deletion page also says that Wikipedia is “not for things made up one day.”

A little bit of crumpet
In the 1930s, the word "crumpet" became British English slang for a woman regarded as an object of sexual desire. No doubt men remembered their schooldays and associated female pulchritude with something tasty. It is also cockney rhyming slang for a strumpet.

The World's Largest Crumpet
The holder of this record is Nick Mason, the drummer from Pink Floyd. He says: 

We decided the best thing to do would be to get in the Guinness book by doing something that wouldn't take an awful lot of skill or too much time. We welded up an enormous pan, about four meters across. It was pretty daunting. We used hundreds of eggs and pounds and pounds of flour. We built a giant barbecue and cooked the damn thing; it took hours. There was probably enough crumpet to feed 5,000 people.

Curd
Fruit curd is a type of jam like marmalade usually made from lemons, limes or oranges. In the late 19th and early 20th century curd was used as a jam substitute and as a filling in cakes. The sweet sugary taste made curd appealing to children.

In "The Lady’s Own Cookery Book" by Lady Charlotte Campbell Bury from 1844 the ingredients needed for making lemon curd are 1 pint of cream, whites of 6 eggs, 1 1/2 lemons and sugar. The recipe continues:

"To the cream, when it boils, put in the whites and lemon; stir it until it comes to a tender curd. Then put it into a holland bag, and let it drain till all the whey is out of it; beat the curd in a mortar with a little sugar; put it in a basin to form; about two or three hours before you use it, turn it out, and pour thick cream and sugar over it." source

A special thank you to Lindsay for making the Lemon Curd and Anna for making the crumpets.